The Grape Of Wrath

It’s All Downhill From Here

Lucky he didn't go to a vineyard. An accountant who slipped on a grape outside a Marks & Spencer store is suing the company for more than $600,000 as his injuries stopped him enjoying skiing holidays. Alexander Martin-Sklan, 55, began his London High Court action this week after the 2004 fall plunged him into a ``deep depression'' after he ruptured his quadriceps tendon. The accountant also claimed his business had suffered after the incident near his North London home.

FOOTNOTE: Piste off.

Wot? No Supporting Role?

What Would Dick Whittington Have Said?

UK television personality Jeremy Paxman has given Marks & Spencer a dressing down over the lack of "support" in their underpants. The Newsnight star personally contacted store chief executive, Sir Stuart Rose, to complain. Paxman sent an email to Sir Stuart, saying: "Like very large numbers of men in this country I have always bought my socks and pants at Marks & Sparks. There's no other way to put this. Their pants no longer have adequate support. When I've discussed this with friends it has revealed widespread gusset anxiety." He said his email was meant to be a private matter but had been leaked.

FOOTNOTE: That's a load of bollocks!