Yes, we've often seen people with sore eyes, but that condition seems to be more common in summer, not in the depths of the Australian winter. Hmm, let's take a closer look.
The problem here seems to be an inability to focus. And a definite redness. It also seems as if the pupils are slightly misaligned - a bit like unruly rabble at a school assembly.
Let's see, I think we're close to making a diagnosis here. There definitely seems to be an eye-popping problem.
Oh, no, we have a major issue here. The eyes are completely out of their sockets now. Did someone say "Socket to me"? We'll just stop now. These inane one-liners are just getting cornier and cornea.
(Sincere thanks to my noble colleague Kit, who very sportingly donned my hoax glasses for the purposes of this post.)